Stone the Crows

I started this blogsite with the intention of showing what a silly old fool I'm turning into (hence the name). However, it seems to have turned into a mixture of ramblings and reviews of gigs (and the occasional walk). Just as I realised that I do some really daft things nowadays and they may be a source of amusing and entertaining blogs, they suddenly seem to have dried up. I have not locked my keys in the car again (see 24 hours) and temper tantrums on mountainsides seem to be a thing of the past.

Aah, you're thinking, she's finally managed to do something really silly and lose all her dignity and she's dying to tell us. Well, I'm not sure on this one. I sincerely believe that what I've done is actually very sensible indeed but it seems to have such an aura of silliness. I don't think I ever had any dignity to lose but if I did, I irretrievably lost every scrap of dignity still clinging precariously to me on Thursday evening when I turned up for my first ever practise...

at Morris Dancing.

Most people think of ribbons and bells and maypoles when they think of Morris Dancing. This may be the form known as Cotswold Morris, although I'm not sure about the bells. The sort I'm into is Border Morris, which is really boisterous and involves enthusiastic use of sticks and where the dancers tend to dance in black costumes decorated with tatters (rags) and/or feathers and black their faces.

My first experience of Border Morris was seeing the Flag Crackers dance on the Flag Market at Preston a few years ago. They wear clogs (if you check the link and look at the photos, you will be able to see this) and I was mesmerised. Last year, I saw another Border Morris team at Ludlow and again I was mesmerised. This was entertainment indeed and I stood and photographed them for some time. Here's one of the pictures I took. Sorry about the ice-cream van and park bench.

I have a profile on MySpace, where I've used a picture of two of these Morris Dancers as my profile pic and recently, I got some messages and add requests from bona fide Morris Dancers. One of them suggested I might like to participate. She assured me it is a great form of exercise, although the beer may be somewhat counterproductive. Well, the more I thought about it, the more I thought it a superb idea. So I went online (I was probably already online) and did a Google search and found a promising name, Stone the Crows. I rather like Crows and it seemed to be a good omen, so I e-mailed them and waited for a reply.

Which came last Monday, telling me where they practise and suggesting I go along on Thursday. I went along and it would be under-stating the case to say I was extremely nervous and almost at the point of driving away when I saw somebody walking towards the school where the practises are held. I got out of my car and shouting "Excuse me, excuse me" like the insignificant little ant in an advert for a Trades Union from a few years ago, ran after her. I caught her up and she confirmed that she was a member of the morris team and introduced herself to me. I reciprocated and we got talking. A good start.

The rest of the team were fantastic and they made me feel at home straightaway. They taught me the step first - a bit like what a boxer does when he skips. I practised during the warm up and then they taught me my first dance, Tinners, which is relatively simple. I was knackered after it but it felt soooo good! They practised various others, including one called The Black Widow and I learned 2 others, including a procession and I was really pleased because I seemed to be picking it up quite easily. Finally, we danced Tinners again and I joined in with enthusiasm. It was great!

We went to the pub afterwards and I was supposed to eat a pickled egg as a rather bizarre initiation ceremony. I jibbed and told them I'm allergic to eggs (I'm so ashamed of myself now!) but we sat there and talked and told jokes (including my favourite, what did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam!) and I drank diet coke until it seemed like a good idea to go home.

They're doing an extra practise for novices next week and I'm definitely going, this time with a bottle of water - it's hot work is Border Morris. Then they will be dancing out because the Morris season is now well and truly underway. I hope I'll be able to dance outside pubs with them soon until I'm up to speed and have my costume sorted and then hopefully, I'll be able to dance at festivals etc.

Yes, my costume. I need to get:

• Item: 1 pair of black trousers
• Item: 1 black jacket to be trimmed with mainly black tatters with a few blue and green. The tatters have to form wing like extensions to the sleeves and a tail like extension to the back of the jacket.
• Item: 1 top hat to be decorated with black feathers

Oh and possibly some burnt cork for my face. I'm really, really looking forward to it.

Finally, I managed to find some footage of Stone the Crows dancing at the Chippenham Folk Festival on YouTube and I really want to share it with my readers. They actually practised this dance last Thursday and watching it brought back great memories. I can assure you, Border Morris is good for the soul.

Goldblade at Manchester Academy 3

I'm hot, I'm sweaty, I'm wearing three t-shirts and my hair looks like a bush but I'm happy, very happy indeed. The reason for my happiness is that a large proportion of sweat on my arms, on my hands, on my face and in my hair originated in the sweat glands of John Robb, lead singer of Goldblade.

As you may have guessed, I have been to see Goldblade tonight. The evening started well. Although we set off rather late, we got to the venue, Manchester Academy (3), in good time. There, in the foyer, was John Robb himself. He is a real man of the people and is happy to chat to people. Even better, he is happy to admit that he does not remember your last encounter with him, which is admirable honesty on his part.

So I walked in accompanied by my older daughter, Charlie, and she went off to the toilet. John was chatting to a fan/friend (it's hard to tell the difference when it comes to John), so I loitered and waited. Charlie came out of the toilet and started to go upstairs so I went over to John and eventually spoke to him. I mentioned that I had talked to him at Wasted and he said he didn't remember me. I have no problem with that because there were a lot of people at Wasted and loads of them spoke to John.

Then Charlie came back downstairs and I introduced her to him. She was wearing a Towers of London t-shirt so he mentioned the gig and we said we had been there. We talked about the Towers: John appears to have a quite high opinion of them, which I'm glad about because I think they are a badly underrated band.

Then we went upstairs and into Academy 3 and I got drinks in. Vodka and Coke for me and Vodka and Orange for Charlie. The first band, Kamikaze Sperm came on soon after, the lead singer dressed in a rather nice halter neck dress.

They played good, loud, obnoxious punk, so how could I complain. They also had a nice touch, a girl on an alto sax. It would have been very Xray Spex had the lead singer sounded anything like Poly Styrene. He didn't but I loved the sound and bought a CD and t-shirt after the gig.

Next, rather unexpectedly for me, was a comedian, Ted Chippington. I thought he was fabulous and even chipped in (sorry) on a couple of occasions (shouting "Blackpool" when he wanted us to shout names of towns in Lancashire for instance). He also sang strange versions of "She Loves You" by the Beatles, "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree" by Tony Orlando and Dawn (I found myself singing along to that) and finally D.I.S.C.O. by Ottawan, accompanied by a lone drummer. Bloody marvellous!


There was then a bit of a wait for the main attraction and we were fooled into believing it would come a little sooner by what must have been a light check. Someone backstage asked me what time it was (I had been right at the front since Kamikaze Sperm had started their first song) and I rather foolishly told him it was five to ten. I should have said five past and Goldblade would have started early.


Minutes before Goldblade came on, I spotted a familiar face from Wasted. The familiar face comes with a Wolverhampton accent and I stated the bleeding obvious to him - something along the lines of "you're from Wolverhampton aren't you?" He confirmed that he was. I then admitted I don't remember his name. He said he didn't remember mine but remembered that I'd been with Dave from the Straps when he first met me. I introduced myself and I'm sure he did the same but I didn't hear him so I still don't know his name. I also introduced Charlie to him.

Then Goldblade came on to a huge roar from the crowd. There was also a huge surge forward and I found myself pinned against the front of the stage. That didn't worry me because John Robb came and shook my hand and they began with probably my favourite of their songs - Fighting in the Dancehall - and I immediately began the jigging, shaking my hair everywhere (an innovation for this gig), pointing my finger at the stage (well, actually at various members of the band in strict rotation) and singing along at the top of my voice that I always do on these occasions. To my bitter disappointment, John did not hold the mic out for me to sing along into but never mind. I got over it.


Charlie took this picture of John and I really, really like it:


It's clearly very early in the gig because he still has his shirt buttoned up and his quiff is still a bit in place.

I really do not know the order in which they played their songs because I didn't nick the set list. I do know they sang Psycho and I'm pretty sure I sang into the mic for that one, also Power of Rock and Roll and I shouted "I believe!" into the mic when John Robb laid his hand on my head and shouted "Do you believe?". They sang Black Sheep Radical, Rebel Songs, ACDC, The Decline and Fall of Ancient Rome. They had girls dancing on stage and then about half the audience. They also had what I can only describe as a mad monk. The band had had placards made to help us with the songs and the monk used one to fan us in the audience.

Not at this stage. By this time he and the band were whipping us into a frenzy. I was certainly frenzied and when they went off after Kiss My Ass (something I will remember at work on Monday, John, I promise), I feverishly chanted Gold-blade, Gold-blade along with everybody else there.

They came out and did the encore, Home Turf. I absolutely love Home Turf but I had t-shirts to buy and a train to catch so we had to go. Charlie got a Goldblade t-shirt, I got a Goldblade t-shirt, a Goldblade badge, a Kamikaze Sperm CD and a Kamikaze Sperm t-shirt. Then we went back to Oxford Road Station and caught the last train back to Preston.

I put the extra t-shirts on along the way for extra warmth and when I got home, I put the kettle on and switched the computer on. That's why I'm hot, I'm sweaty, I'm wearing three t-shirts and my hair looks like a bush but I'm happy, very happy indeed. Oh and for ladies of a certain age, here's a picture of John Robb without his shirt on and I'm sure his sweat has magical properties.